contributors
Valerie is in her late twenties and reminds people often that she's “almost thirty”, especially when it involves staying out late, drinking beer or doing anything relatively fun. She lives with her exceedingly handsome genius of a fiance and three-year old terrier mix, Sophie, in the Maryland suburbs of Washington, DC, which is just close enough that visiting family isn't impossible, but just far enough that the visits are never a surprise. She has struggled with her weight all of her life but finally took control on April 10, 2006. She hit her goal (a loss of 40 pounds) on May 15, 2007 and hasn't looked back. She enjoys healthy cooking, getting caught up on the latest celebrity gossip, exercising, watching 80’s sitcoms on Netflix, not-so-healthy baking, and continuing the quest for the world's greatest chocolate chip cookie. Oh, and she just got engaged and will be moving roughly 2000 miles away within the next 6 months. Those chocolate chip cookies are sounding better and better...
Julie Sutton-McGurk
Bewildered by ambiguous aptitude tests and high school friends that predicted that 10 years after graduation she would either be “juggling 3 phones behind a big desk while firing people” or more succinctly, “on Broadway,” Julie tried a bit of everything at the career buffet after graduating from UT. (HOOK EM, HORNS!) She is currently raising big bucks for small charities juggling new clients as a Marketing Consultant, and while doing her best to be the ultimate wife, daughter, friend, sister, aunt, citizen, (and now, MAMA!!) is contemplating what’s next for her and her husband of almost a year going on 3 years. Will they move back to Texas? Will they find awesome jobs? Will they have chicken for dinner? Will they quit referring to themselves in third person?
Edited to add: Yes, they moved to Texas. Yes, they found awesome jobs. And yes, they often have chicken for dinner, although now, it’s mostly in Tex-Mex form. Yeehaw! And, no...third person still is a perspective of choice.
One, barely thirty-something, woman living in small town. Chaotic life, most days. Mother of two, wife of one. Marketing “genius” by day, wannabe writer by night. Reader of anything, especially cliche love novels (love those happy endings!). Old house fanatic. Bible dipper. Loyal to the bone. Joyful and always ready for the next adventure.
I’m Heather. It’s so very nice to meet you. What’s your sign?
Heather Feeler
Candy Simmons is a writer and performer hailing from Mobile, Alabama, and currently resides in Brooklyn with her obese cat. She is currently working on a solo show coming to a stage near you (www.myspace.com/sunsetgunproductions). Candy is always humbled/puzzled that anyone would pause to peruse her ramblings. Seriously, what's wrong with you?
Candy Simmons
An outgoing Texas girl faces the three biggest challenges of life all within six months - adding to the family, changing jobs, and moving overseas. Luckily, she's a "glass half full" kind of woman and makes the best out of endless spit up and sand. Now that her son is no longer a baby, she's getting sleep and miraculously, has a bit of time to have a life. You'll typically find her in the kitchen trying out a new recipe, attached to her laptop (which she fears might be an aspiring addiction), chasing around her toddler, or enjoying an ice cold Corona with her hubby.
Uprooted and replanted, Andrea plods along with her smorgasbord of jobs and her jumble of skills the she hopes apply in advertising. Married to an impossibly intelligent man, Andrea is childless and free to curse around the house as much as she wants. She struggles with everything – weight, insecurity, breeding, in-laws and some sort of adult ADD that only red wine and So You Think You Can Dance? cures. As her posts go up, the list gets magically longer. Andrea is no longer taking therapist applications but appreciates your interest.
Krissy Bertrand
Michelle is a professional dreamer. She dreams about all things real and tasty: pumpkin pie, goat cheese and beet salad, Pinkberry, owning most everything at ABC Carpet and Home and...true love. When she is not dreaming of these things she is singing a jazz standard as her alter ego Michelle Samuels, or buying a vintage dress. She may simultaneously be working out a rhyme to set to a melody over an acoustic bass, and guaranteed, while doing these things, she's got a book in her bag on some lucky guru's latest take on the meaning of life. Ultimately, in true ultimish-style, she hopes to achieve Nirvana.
Michelle Beth Gutman
Allison is that girl who is always telling everyone how fabulous it is to be 30 (so NOT the new 20...20 pales in comparison) and lives vicariously through her own life. Surely nearing the end of her karmic chain, she is convinced that she must have been a cockroach, a geoduck, and tar and therefore deserves such a fantastic life now. Whenever she gets down, she pops up a slideshow of her photos on her laptop, harasses her kitties, or calls to talk to her freakishly cute nephews and all is right with the world again. She's single (boo), found the love of her life (yay!), living and working in NYC, giving everything she has to try and make the world a better place, and hoping that the good times keep on rollin'.
Allison Rae Carlsen
Andrea J. Shipman
An ultimish woman indeed! Julia has done her share of being…what she can be. Born in Malaysia but raised in NYC, she has bounced every so many years since then from one state to another (Boston to Rhode Island to California). She lands (once again!) in New York City, her home of 20-something years to find happiness with her family, her best friends for life, a career that’s not just a J-O-B, and a man she absolutely adores. Her passion in life is sharing that piece of knowledge with anyone and everyone on how to obtain a healthy, fit and balanced lifestyle. Whether that is finding your peace in meditation or yoga, figuring out what path to take when you’re looking to eat to feel better, or just looking for an ass whooping workout to get your body in shape, Julia is there to help you build from your foundation up – combining elements of strength with balance. You can find her personal training at Crunch Fitness, teaching yoga at Soho Sanctuary….and discovering all the new and exciting ways to staying ultimish!
Valerie Straub
Julia Chan
Amy Hutchins
Formerly known as ‘Devil Grrl’ in my Roller Derby daze, I usually go by Amy. I live in Austin, TX and Miss Julia Goolia was the first person I met at school that I actually wanted to talk to. Oh, and apparently both of us wanted to kiss teacher ass and arrive 30 minutes early to our composition class. Today, Julie writes professionally and I have to ask her to spell check my bio for her own damn site. I have SEVEN…yes seven cats….with my girlfriend Jennifer Collins, formerly known as ‘Jen Entonic’ of the Honky Tonk Heartbreakers/Texas Rollergirls. Yes, I already know about this…Just when you thought you were being funny and original…and yes, I own it. Not really, but my co-worker does. I have spent the 8 years since graduating college dabbling in the professional arts – from TV news journalism to video games, and now have landed a job as a production artist for a company that makes casino games and hardware. Good times. In the near future – I intend to own my own food/merchandise business(es) in the south part of town and have tea with Julie – whenever I damn well please.
After graduating from the college of beer, Michelle went on to work for a kick ass company called SPEEDO- that’s right, the banana hammock company. She moved all contents in a Uhaul from Michigan to California and plopped herself down at the beaches of Santa Monica. After a few years of living on an airplane going from cities to countries all over the map, she found her soul mate in Canada. 10 years later, 3 kids and 100 different haircuts, she has settled in to life realizing that the simple things are what make her tick. Girly conversations, wine, art, creating art, date nights, hot showers, kick ass workouts, true friends, cooking, decorating and baby making.
Michelle Wilson